Cheddaria: The Infamous Cat Burglar

How would you steal the most coveted piece of jewelry from the most guarded place in Jadisia? 

Harpies will tell you to swoop in at midnight when no one is looking, and every soul is asleep. But alas, the king is smart and has put up an invisible barrier that dispels all flying magic within one kilometer of the palace. 

Imps and goblins will teach you dirty tactics and mischievous schemes. But their cheap tricks do nothing to the palace guards armed with all-seeing goggles that reveal all manner of ill will, treachery, and trickery emanating from one’s mind. 

Mole rats will help you dig a hole and become undetected. This could work only if the chief inventor hadn’t cemented the floor with adamantium, the most durable, indestructible, and impenetrable of all metals in the world. 

Human bandits will accompany you to pick locks, but you’ll surely end up disappointed because all doors in the palace open to a secret code only known to high-ranking officers and members of royalty. 

The palace’s reputation for being the most guarded place in Jadisia is no exaggeration. It is a fact known to all creatures and men across the land. And yet, why do thieves still think or even dare to infiltrate said palace? Well, what do you reckon? A fortified place must keep an unparalleled treasure. Indeed, that is correct, for within the heart of the palace lies the jewel of all jewels. The multi-stone crown that bears all the gems in the world. It is every jeweler’s dream to hold such a masterpiece in their hand, every woman’s desire to wear such a bewitching ornament, and every thief’s obsession to steal such a coveted treasure worth more than all the gold in the kingdom. 

Despite the impenetrable security and grueling journey of the thievery, there is one creature who dares to do the impossible. Some may call him careless or even suicidal, but his confidence stems from an ability known only to his clan, a magic thought to be lost — even a myth.

Cheddaria is sitting at the bar counter, ordering a glass of full cream milk. Yes, milk, because despite his evil demeanor and menacing “Khal-Drogo-like” appearance, he is a cat at heart. His metal boots click-clack against the old wooden floor as his feet fidget restlessly. 

“Will you quit that annoying habit of yours? The floor is about to fall off from this rickety shack, and we don’t have the money to pay for damages.” 

“Oh, cut it out, Meemaw, you know I can’t stand still! I come from a long line of ferocious warriors; the blood of thrill and excitement runs through my veins.” 

Everyone who knows Cheddaria will describe him as pompous — including his loyal sidekick Meemaw, whom he saved in his days as an infamous charlatan — but he would argue otherwise. In his eyes, he’s naturally gifted in the art of deception, misdirection, and espionage. And to tell you honestly, his self-admiration stems from an innate ability he holds, a magic thought to be lost and only known to his bloodline: shapeshifting.

Shapeshifting is uncommon even in a place full of magic such as Jadisia. Shapeshifters can transform into any creature, copy any appearance, and adapt to any environment. Their ability was sought after eons ago when kingdoms battled over territories and treasure; as a result, the majority of their kin were captured or killed. But this is a story for another time; we bring our focus back to one of the few survivors who plans to use his gift to steal the multi-stone crown.

The plan is simple. It’s laughable how unequivocally easy it is. Their entry way is Princess Geneva, the wearer of the crown, the heiress, and the most stuck-up of all nobles. Though the princess is known for her royal snootiness, she has a soft spot for animals, particularly cats. Her fondness for them led to a decree wherein all stray cats will be gathered in and serve as royal pets for the princess.  

All Cheddaria needs to do is shapeshift into a cat, stroll past Princess Geneva at her afternoon leisurely stroll, and act hurt. Et Voila! The princess will surely take pity on a wounded cat and take him straight to the palace. 

“Are you sure your plan is air-tight this time?” said Meemaw in a doubtful tone. 

Meemaw couldn’t help but be concerned, for she knows Cheddaria’s complacency and overconfidence all too well, not to mention the dire cost of overusing his shapeshifter ability. She has to keep a close eye on him, for when he’s in another form for over twenty-four hours, he gradually loses his humanity until he cannot turn back and remain a witless creature for eternity. 

The retrogression antidote —an ancient concoction poured upon a shapeshifter within five minutes of losing their humanity— had saved them from numerous close calls. Cheddaria had become over-reliant on this safety net, and they’ve burned through their stash and are left with one dose. 

“Some confidence in me would feel good once in a while.” Cheddaria answered. “Besides, our quest is far less dangerous. We’re literally taking candy from a spoiled royal.”

Cheddaria went over the plan in his head once more. After sneaking into the palace, all he has to do is never leave Princess Geneva’s side until she enters the jewel room, where all crowns, scepters, and jewelry are kept. Lucky for him, the duke of Topazia will call upon the princess the day after tomorrow, which means Princess Geneva has to wear the crown, giving Cheddaria the opportune moment. Once inside, he’ll grab the crown, run, and never look back.

“Remember, you have to use the trapdoor in the basement for your exit. I went through a lot of trouble getting the castle blueprint and identifying the safest path. I’ll be there waiting, and you only have a few minutes of lead time before the guard will catch your trail. No mistakes, got it?” Meemaw instructed.

“Yes, Ma’am, now let’s get to work,” Cheddaria replied.

It’s four o’clock in the afternoon, the sun brims slightly above the horizon, shining a bright yet soft ray of sunlight on the pavement and stalls of Jadisia’s lively market. At the entrance of the market stands two merchants, a butler, and a lady-in-waiting surrounding a beautiful maiden wearing a lavender-colored dress embroidered with flowers. At first glance, the group looks like a normal wealthy heiress out for shopping, but in truth, it’s Princess Geneva and four discreetly disguised guards out for a stroll.

At the opposite end of the street stood the two conniving thieves, Cheddaria and Meemaw, quietly observing the princess’s move and waiting for the right moment to catch her attention and turn on the best performance of their lives.

As the princess walked past the old lady selling seashells and ocean trinkets, Cheddaria transformed into a ginger cat with Meemaw swiftly drawing fake wounds and bruises on his eyes, nose, and limbs. Finally, Princess Geneva and her guards are nearing the end of the street, and Cheddaria is ready to pounce out with a limp. 

“It’s now or never, Meemaw. Once we pull this off, we’re rich beyond comparison!” 

“Don’t be too confident. We still have to survive the hard part.” Meemaw replied. “Don’t forget to slow blink and whimper!”

“Relax, I’ve practiced this hundreds of times, and my charms never fail me,” Cheddaria said smugly.   

Cheddaria slowly limped in front of the Princess and let out the saddest meow a cat could ever muster. He caught the Princess’s attention in an instant. Princess Geneva crouched down and proceeded to pet the wounded cat. 

“Oh, you poor wounded kitty. How could anybody hurt such a precious fuzzy ball such as yourself?” 

Cheddaria continued to whimper and act terribly hurt in front of the princess. Before the princess could speak again, he raised his head, looked Princess Geneva in the eyes, and shot a teary-eyed expression. The princess was filled with pity and couldn’t help but get teary-eyed herself. It was at this point that Cheddaria knew the first part of their plan was a success. He may look hurt on the outside, but inside his mind is zooming with excitement. 

“I can’t take this anymore; sadness has taken over me. We shall take this poor cat to the palace immediately.” Princess Geneva declared.

“But, princess, would that be safe? He looks like he has rabies!” One of the disguised guards replied. 

“Hush, you fool! I expect incompetence from each and every one of you, but I didn’t expect you to be heartless as well. We are bringing this kitty home, and whoever defies me will spend years in the dungeon for treason.”

The guards were left speechless and had no strength to contest the Princess’s whims. They had no choice but to carry Cheddaria back to the palace. As they left, Cheddaria spotted Meemaw in the corner of the street, and he gave her a thumbs-up with a subtle glint coming from his eyes. 

The palace was grander than Cheddaria could ever imagine. The French doors were draped with crimson cut velvet cloths, the pillars were made of marble, and the chandeliers were encrusted with molten gems. Everywhere you look, there is a treasure that can fund a man’s life for at least a decade. What a luxurious place indeed, and Cheddaria couldn’t help but feel prouder than usual for he is one of the few thieves who has set foot in this well-guarded castle. 

Cheddaria’s thoughts were interrupted upon entering the royal veterinarian’s clinic. He has to continue his act and look the part of a homeless, injured cat. 

“Now what do we have here? I see the princess has taken in another lowly creature as a royal pet. Honestly, does she think we’re a cat breeding institute? I’m Jadisia’s most sought-after veterinarian. I should be treating livestock or discovering exotic animals, not looking after felines like a cat sitter!” The veterinarian rambled.

“Don’t take your frustration out on me, Gustav. We’re just following orders.” The lady guard who was with the princess earlier replied. 

“It’s Dr. Gustav for you, lady!” He retorted. 

“Dr. Gustav, the princess wants this cat treated and delivered to her room by tonight. She claims he’s lonely and wants to keep him company until he’s fully healed.” 

“Whatever, leave him at the table and I’ll take care of the rest. Now go away.”

Gustav is short-tempered and full of himself, but he’s not keen on the details even though he claims to be the best. For instance, he did not notice that the blood in Cheddaria’s left eye was a mixture of strawberry syrup and tomato sauce. All he cared about was getting the job done and getting rid of the cat. It was half past seven in the evening when he finished treating the injured Cheddaria. Gustav walked towards Princess Geneva’s chambers and delivered Cheddaria to her. 

“Well done, Gustav.” Said the princess. “Keep this up, and you might have a seat in my brother’s next sailing expedition for outlandish creatures.”

The statement put hope in Gustav’s heart as he bid the princess goodbye. Little did he know it was untrue, for there is no expedition. The princess merely said those words to keep him motivated to do her bidding. Cruel as that may sound, that’s just how Princess Geneva operates. 

“Now, my little fuzzy ball, you’ll finally know what a luxurious life can be. Just stay by my side, and I promise you’ll be well taken care of.” Princess Geneva said in a cutesy voice while carrying Cheddaria in her arms.“Let’s get to sleep. We have a long day tomorrow.”

Morning came, and Cheddaria had just finished enjoying a bowl of milk and a plateful of biscuits offered by the royal servant. 

“This may sound insane, but I’m already used to this life. Ladies pamper me, I can stuff my belly with this lavish feast, and what’s more, the princess is at my beck and call. Too bad I have to let this all go by sunset.” Cheddaria muttered to himself as he lay on his back, purring and admiring the beautiful view from the princess’s window. 

It has been sixteen hours since Cheddaria transformed into a cat, leaving him eight hours to complete his quest. That seems like ample time, but the truth is Cheddaria’s slowly losing control of his mental faculties, and his feline instincts are rising by the hour. In fact, he’s slowly losing consciousness right about now. It’s time for an after-meal catnap, and he can’t fight the urge despite his efforts to keep his eyes open.

Two hours later, Cheddaria awakened and saw a familiar figure from the window. He squinted his eyes and recognized it was Meemaw, catching him from outside the palace gate. It’s about time their quest started, and Meemaw is about to guard the trapdoor from outside the palace. This door is known only to the king and the royal guards. A secret escape route for the king’s family, if ever there is an invasion. They caught a lucky break when they learned of this information, when Meemaw disguised herself and spiked the captain’s drink with a truth potion.  

Cheddaria waved to his partner in crime and proceeded to take action. He walked towards Princess Geneva, who had just arrived from the jewel room, all dressed up and wearing the multi-stone crown.  

“What in the world, she left for the jewel room without me! That sneaky little princess left me. Curse this fluffy body and the urge to sleep. I failed to grab the crown!” Cheddaria meowed in anger.  

“Are you awake now, sleepy head?” Princess Geneva said as she lifted up Cheddaria. “I’m sorry I had to leave you for a moment. I didn’t want to wake you. Worry not, the Duke of Topazia has just arrived, and he is joining us for lunch and an afternoon tea. Now, come along.”

Cheddaria accompanied the Princess and the Duke on their date and watched out for every chance he could grab to steal the crown. It was a real feat, and he couldn’t catch a break! One moment they were eating, the next they were walking, or playing the piano, or dancing. But honestly, he was too ashamed to admit that he couldn’t snatch the crown while they were sitting still at the lunch table because he was too busy gorging himself with fish and chips. 

It’s almost sunset, and finally, the Princess and the Duke sat down for their afternoon tea. This is Cheddaria’s last chance to steal the crown, or he has to leave with no trophy — a situation he’d rather avoid, for he’ll be the laughing stock of every thief! 

“I shall not sully my name! I am the great Cheddaria, and I will not let this snooty princess get away with the crown.”He declared. 

As if the universe had heard his cry, he saw a mouse tiptoeing, making its way to the princess’s head. He simply has to wait for the mouse to reach the princess’s crown and attack the silly little pest. The god of thievery has blessed him with the perfect opportunity. Cheddaria slowly stalked the mouse and took the pounce position, ready to jump. 

“Ahoy there, matey! It’s good to see you again. I heard ya we’re snatchin this beaut and I’m here to help ya out! What do you say?” The mouse said to Cheddaria. 

“You? What are you doing here? You bring nothing but trouble! We were almost trapped in Fort Ferna because of you vermin.” Cheddar replied

“Aye, your words hurt my feelings, matey! I idolize you, I give ya cheese, remember?”

“No, you turned my milk into cheese!!! You stupid vermin. Cheese stinks, milk is superior! You will never get away this time!” 

“The name’s Grim, but you can call me whatever you prefer!”

Grim has interrupted their quests countless times and has put them in danger, but that’s not what angers Cheddaria the most. What’s most unforgivable is when Grim curdled Cheddaria’s entire milk stash into cheese and offered it to him as a peace offering for all his meddling. That was the last straw!

Cheddaria was seeing red and lost sight of his true goal. He unleashed his claws and attacked Grim on top of the princess’s head. Grim got away, of course, but the crown got stuck on his fat belly in the process. The princess was flabbergasted and was thrown back first into the ground. But Cheddaria paid no mind; he was focused on catching the mouse! 

If only Cheddaria were in his right mind, he could’ve left the castle by now; he has effortlessly stolen the crown. But alas, his cat instincts had taken over, and his sole focus was catching the mouse. He chased Grim all over the palace with the crown still hanging on his stomach. The sunset is a few minutes away, and he is losing all control over his humanity.

Grim ran into a dark alley below the dungeon, which coincidentally was the trap door Meemaw was guarding. He was out of breath and holding on for dear life, but the light at the end lifted his spirits and gave him one last boost. Just as he was about to sprint for the exit, sharp claws pinned him down to the ground, and he saw nothing but the inside of Cheddaria’s mouth.

Cheddaria swallowed Grim whole and licked his paws, just like what cats do after a scrumptious meal. But then a screaming voice snapped Cheddaria’s mind into reality. It was Meemaw crying out to him from the end of the alley. He remembers at last, the reason why he’s here in the first place! Cheddaria got up and ran towards the exit, but as he was about to take the last step, a guard caught his tail, and another guard caught Meemaw from behind. 

“Nooooo! Cheddaria!” Meemaw screamed! 

It was too late, the sun had set, Cheddaria had lost all his sense of humanity, and their antidote would no longer work. 

Princess Geneva approached the alley and hugged Cheddaria. 

“Oh my heroic cat, you chased that vermin down to the grave. I wouldn’t have thought you would save me from such a dirty little rat! I hereby name you Griz and proclaim you to be my royal pet for eternity”.

“Your highness, what shall we do with this woman outside?” asked the guard.

 “What else but put her in the dungeon? No one must know there is another route outside the palace.”  

Meemaw protested in tears as the guards took her to the dungeon. Cheddaria, or rather Griz, on the other hand, had become Princess Geneva’s favorite cat. He’s pampered every day, eating meals animals and humans could only imagine. Who’s to say Cheddaria failed to live rich because now he’s treated as royalty, but without the sense of the man he used to be?